Dear Olivia
by Kimblee Whitehead
Summary: When you can't find the courage to face someone, sometimes it's easiest to do it by letter. Elliot writes to Olivia, hoping that maybe, just maybe, she will understand why he left.


**Dear Olivia,**

* * *

><p>To my partner Olivia,<p>

You are my best friend. Not just that. You have been the greatest friend I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. For twelve years, you have had my back, and for that, I thank you.

I'm sorry I'm not saying all this in person. The last few months have been hard. I hate to put this down here, but my family has seen me cry more times then I want anybody to see me cry. Their my family, so I guess that makes it a little better. I know that I wouldn't be able to hold it together if I was to do this in person with you.

I'm retiring. You know that, though. If Cragen is giving you this, you know that. There is a great chance that this letter will end up in a shredder or a fire or something. I don't blame you if you do that. I fully understand. I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for not telling you in person. This letter is my sad attempt to make that better. No way in hell it will do any good. Besides, I suck at letter writing. Just ask Kathy. She knows.

I don't even know what to put in this damn thing. Maybe an explanation for why I am retiring? It's been over twenty years for me. I've seen the horrors of the world. I've experienced the horrors of the world. Hell, I've acted out the horrors of the world. I shot a teenaged girl. She was Lizzie's age. Actually, I found out something recently. Remember how when the case first came about, I said there was something familiar about her? I remembered what it was. She went to middle school with Lizzie. In the seventh grade.

I know you're probably very angry with me right now. I am too. But, Olivia, my partner before you told me something. Something I took to heart, and didn't quite understand until now. There comes a time in this job where you know it's time to retire. It'll hit you like a truck. I was as angry as you probably are when he told me this. He had devoted his life to the job, only to suddenly quit. I didn't understand, and promised I would never do such a thing. So much for that, right?

But I understand that now. Olivia, Lizzie came into my room the other night. She was crying. She had kept in contact with my victim. The girl I killed. They were facebook friends. You know how sympathetic Lizzie is, you can imagine how hard it was for her to find out I killed a friend of hers. Imagine trying to explain that to your child. That's when I knew I couldn't do this anymore. I was done with the evil.

We know the definition of evil. We have the instincts to beat anybody who claims there is no such thing as evil to a bloody pulp, beat the sense into them. While we know there is many shades of gray, we know also know one of those shades is black. That was really poetic of me. That should be all the proof you need that I need to retire. I'm getting to soft.

Your bravery inspires me on a regular basis, and I can't imagine what it's going to be like not seeing you ever day anymore. I remember when you were the new girl, and I was the one to show you the ropes. Look how far we've come. How far you've come. You've gotten so strong since I first met you. Stronger than I am now.

You will be given a new partner. His name is Nick Amaro. I actually helped pick him out with Cragen. He's new to the squad, and needs to be shown the delicacies of the team. I know you'll do be able to do that. If I could train you, you can train anybody. Don't give up on the team, on him, just because I'm not there.

Please, keep going. Stay strong, Olivia. Even though I'm no longer there, you still have Fin, Munch, I heard Alex is back and you two were always pretty close, and Cragen. Maybe one day I'll come back. But for now, my family and I are going to take a trip. We don't know where yet. Lizzie wants to go to London. Maybe next time we meet, I'll have an accent.

Until we meet again,

Your Partner,

Elliot

* * *

><p><strong>I loved Scorched Earth. I cried a little bit, but I can't wait to see the rest of the season. I'm really liking Amanda. What do you all think? Did you like the first new episode? What do you think of the new characters? Please let me know.<strong>

**Thank you for reading**

**Kimblee**


End file.
